Jaune J Falcon
by Insomniac Frog
Summary: Jaune finds a mysterious helmet and unwittingly inherits the power of the one and only Captain Falcon. One-shot crack.


**I regret nothing.**

"Ready for another ass kicking Arc?" Cardin sneered as he twirled his mace. His confident smirk, however, was replaced with a confused frown as Jaune wordlessly tossed aside his sword and shield.

Jaune stayed silent as he withdrew a red helmet with a golden falcon logo emblazoned across the front.

"What's he doing?" Yang asked Pyrrha as she nudged her with her elbow. "That shield's the only reason he ever lasts longer than a minute against Cardin" Pyrrha shook her head, eyebrows furrowed while keeping her eyes locked on Jaune in concern.

"I don't know…" she said as Jaune slipped the helmet over his head.

 _What is this, a joke?_ Cardin thought. Aloud he said "Whatcha gonna do Jauney boy? Headbutt me to death?"

"Not quite" Jaune replied in a strange voice. His eyes seemed to glow through the visor, and it almost looked as if he had a fiery aura shimmering over him.

"What's the deal with that voice?" Yang asked. "Is it just me or does Vomit Boy sound manlier?"

"It does sound a little deeper" Blake agreed.

Jaune suddenly stood straight and gave a two fingered salute to Cardin.

"Show me ya moves" he intoned. Cardin growled in indignation as the class snickered.

"The fuck did you just say?"

Jaune reached an arm out towards Cardin. "C'mon" he shouted across the arena while beckoning to him with his outstretched hand. Infuriated by Jaune's sudden confidence, Cardin readied his mace and charged across the arena.

Before he could reach him however, Jaune suddenly took the offensive, seemingly flying across the floor with his outstretched foot engulfed in flames. Cardin barely had time to wonder where the hell he had learned to do that before he was struck squarely in the chest, his face a rictus of shock.

The rest of the class gasped in surprise at the flashy new move.

Before he could hit the ground, Jaune was already upon him, releasing a flurry of rapid fire punches that were almost too fast to see.

Jaune wasn't finished yet, as he sprinted towards Cardin's airborne form. He grabbed Cardin by the neck and threw him into the ground, almost cracking the concrete.

 _H-he's fast!_ Cardin thought. _What the hell is going on?_

Jaune followed up the throw with a devastating series of gravity defying kicks, each one flowing smoothly into the other. His classmates, Pyrrha especially, looked on in awe.

 _Where in the world did he learn to fight like that?_ She wondered in amazement.

"N-nani?" Blake said in disbelief. Ruby and Weiss gave her a sideways look of confusion.

"YEAH GET HIM FEARLESS LEADER" Nora cheered, fist raised in the air.

Jaune obliged, as he grabbed Cardin's flailing form out of the air once more, this time using his other hand to uppercut Cardin while releasing him. Cardin fell to the ground with a heavy thud. He pounded the ground in frustration at his former prey dismantling his defenses so easily. A glance at the scoreboard showed his aura already dipping dangerously low. From his position on the ground he rolled towards Jaune, intent on sweeping his feet out from under him with his mace.

 _All according to plan._ Jaune channeled the knowledge of those who had taken the mantle of the mighty falcon before him through his mind. As Cardin's head reared up, Jaune hopped deftly over Cardin's mace and planted a knee into his face, sending him soaring through the air once more with an almost electric sound.

 _And now for the finishing blow!_ He jumped as he leapt towards Cardin's supine form, rearing back his now flame covered fist in preparation to deal a mighty blow. Cardin shakily stood up, and he groaned and weakly raised his mace again. His eyes widened in horror as he beheld Jaune soaring towards him, flames in the shape of a falcon surrounding his arm.

"FALCON" Jaune began.

Cardin dropped his mace as he closed his eyes in defeat.

"PUNCH!" Jaune roared. His fist connected releasing an inferno of pure power. Cardin crashed into the opposite wall, the concrete cracking under the force.

The classroom fell silent before Miss Goodwitch, shaken out of her stupor, began to announce the winner

"The winner is Jau-" she was cut off by Jaune raising a hand.

"It's Falcon" he stated in that mysterious voice.

"Captain Falcon"


End file.
